THE LIFE OF A SINGLE TEEN GROWING INTO A YOUTH

  Ever since I've been a little girl I've been with the mentality or should I say mindset that my body is not to be trashed with and no guy has any right to take advantage of me,so due to this thinking of mine I was seen as being strict,stern even wicked,dull,dry to the so called boys and even girls who turn their bodies to trash bin. I guess trash bin is kinda harsh because being in love is one of the sweetest thing that can happen to a human and of course it is very normal so there should be no discriminations but it isn't advisable to go into a relationship as a teenager or as a youth who isn't ready for marriage and so back to what I was saying, nevertheless I wasn't moved. Primary school went by I was still so stiff, secondary school; all the way from JSS ONE to JSS THREE, I was seen as one mean girl. All I knew was GOD, my academics and my family. So I was hated at first because due to my non-relating lifestyle, I was perceived as being proud which I didn't care about so far they aren't adding to or removing from my life but as time went by they started becoming friends with me due to my brilliancy but that still didn't change who I am. I was still so to myself and so quiet that my class teacher in JSS THREE had to tell the press club members in my school to allow me to be part of those people who will interview and get more knowledge about the distant learning of the university of Ibadan; but I wouldn't want to divert to this. Therefore, I was able to move to SSS ONE which is very expected as per my excellent result. In SSS ONE, still with the same thinking but started loosening up due to the fact that someone in my class then said "ahhhh, see the class I am in oooo, its going to be really boring" and I thought he must be referring to me as I have always been so boring during my Junior school years and so I started relating with people gradually and so it went on like that that so many people began to love my company, nevertheless I was still a girl with principles and they knew their boundaries. Actually, there is this guy who has had a crush on me since we were in JSS ONE but he never approached me but I discovered through someone else. However, we happen to be in the same class and to my best of knowledge, he still had those same feelings for me but this time we were more mature and so he made his feelings known to me even when he still had a girlfriend but I ignored it like I didn't know what he was talking about and so he was still on the same particular matter that every morning he comes to school, he sings for me, says sweet and wonderful things to me, disturbs me almost every time both in and out of the class that makes me smile at times and some other time I get angry at such gesture, we fight often too but he will still look for a way to soften my heart and majority of all these I've mentioned are things any ordinary girl will fall for like seriously when she is not a wood and so the so called stern,stiff,strict, unfriendly, disciplined girl unknowningly to her was actually falling for this particular guy but never discovered it until she left the school SSS TWO and changed to another due to her parents decisions. During the period this guy was always with me and all of that, I was developing some so called "butterflies"  decided to deceive myself and deny it so much that I'm not feeling anything and my friends noticed that there was this kind of chemistry between us but withstanding I hid my feelings as best as I could hide it. When I changed location of my schooling and all of that to continue my senior secondary school education at another school, I now realised his absence that I had no choice but accept the fact then that I liked the guy but the distance was already there and so my gloomingness affected my relationship with the new students I met in this new school not only the fact that I'm separated from the guy but also from my friends that I've become so close with that it almost felt like family even if we started on a wrong foot. However, at my SSS THREE stage I started to loosen up slowly and slowly and then it got better and better and as usual same with my former school I was surrounded by boys which were my friends that they even see me as a guy most times except from some ones who tried to behave naughty in which my regular reply awaits them and so during our extension I.e preparation for our external examinations which is part of the criteria to get an admission into the university, there is this particular guy in which we are just friends, we say hi and chat a little and that's all. Unknowingly to me, this guy had feelings for me. There was this one particular day I used his phone to take a picture of myself in my school uniform with a plain heart 'as per say he is my friend, what's there?' And so I started hearing rumours like 'oh she's his bae,he wrote bae on her picture' but I still didn't get the glimpse of what was even going on at all until one of my friends came to me and told me everything including the guy's name, about the picture and all of that and then his friends tried convincing me into dating this particular guy in which I strongly refused but we were still friends and he continually brought up the same issue and then on the night of our valedictory service I replied him with a 'yes' because of one stupid reason which is 'I will be bored' and so he told all of his friends, that was the rate of his excitement which I felt so uncomfortable with but had to overlook it and then we started dating even if I didn't like this guy and so as a Korean movie freak I didn't give him so much attention that he wanted and so along the line as dating someone then isn't my thing as a result I was getting tired and irritated at myself for being in such a relationship which led to me breaking up with the guy. During my process of breaking up with him, I thought to myself 'is this really me? When did I become so soft to be in a relationship at this wrong period and its all because of one stupid, clueless reason (I don't want to be bored) what's that rubbish? Actually, I had to recover my real self back which eventually led to the break up. Even when I was dating this guy which I don't think was up to three months and we only met online so after breaking up with him, a lot of guys do come to approach me in which I give them negative answers and so I fill my time with watching Korean movies because I love them so much and my dreams I.e things that pertains to my destiny fulfillment. However,I stayed at home for a whole year when not given an admission yet into the university and at my 17th year I gained an admission into the university with the same character, I devised how I was going to spend my time while in the university so I defined my purpose and goal and so I had a roommate in which we got along. Same here in the university, almost every night our door get knocked at 'please,I'm looking for FAITH' to the extent that I ask myself this question 'am I really that beautiful or what?' and of course the same usual reply that they even ask me questions like " are you human? Have you ever loved? Aren't you a girl? One even asked me if I was a ghost that I don't have feelings at all even after all the recitations they have done, I'm still not moved". First semester, still standing very strong with my roomate and I still on the same page of no dating but second semester most of my friends were already in a relationship and listening to their lovey-dowey talks almost everyday affected me a lot and during this period, one annoying guy approached me telling me he wants us to be best friends in which he has a girlfriend and so I didn't want to look immature so I allowed him come visit me almost every time but there was this strange part, he usually come mostly at night which I was uncomfortable with but still gave him audience; during some of our conversations he tells me he wants five things from me which are ' I want us to go out on a date, wants us to swim together which I don't really see anything bad in but I'm perceiving his bad intentions, wants so many hugs from me because I've never hugged him and some other ones I can't really remember. Oh, he said something else also that he wants something special from me that he will only tell me later after I've done those things mentioned, there was even a time he told me 'I FOUR LETTER WORDS you'. Honestly you can imagine this rubbish coming out of a guy who has a girlfriend and wants to be best friends with me 'who is a fool?' Actually, with these moves he made one naive girl would be thinking he is head over heels for her and he is planning to break up with his girlfriend (see how some guys destroy some innocent and naive girls). Due to my nature and my self building up, I couldn't tolerate this trash any longer that I broke off this so called 'best friend relationship' because I can't bear to be listening to all these time wasting and irritating talks. Back to my friends, me being around them when they are having their love talks affected me so much that I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore. Until I got a phone call from my mum one evening which woke me up from my slumber and I started building my wall back with the help of the holy spirit and part of which led me to writing this because the truth is, its not easy at all. Whenever I'm around those friends of mine I usually ask myself these questions ( are you really okay? Are you saying you won't enjoy your youth? Are you really going to go on this way? Remember life is short. You don't know what tomorrow says and like that and like that). It was really difficult for me but I thank God that I've woken up and for opening my eyes to the path which I should follow, be steadfast on and not waver. Of course, temptations will come from left and right but continually remind yourself of your goals and with God it will all be well. Thanks for taking out of your time to read this but if there are questions,please do not hesitate to reach me via my email address (akinloyefaith12@gmail.com) or you can write it down in the comment box. Please don't feel shy or scared to share your experiences we are all here to learn and grow so as to have a well built, bright and successful tomorrow.